animalstalkinginallcaps:

DAN, LOOK AT ME.

MIKE AND CARL ARE COMING OVER AFTER THEY GET DONE AT THE OFFICE. THERE’S SO MUCH KLEENEX ON THE FLOOR OF YOUR BEDROOM RIGHT NOW IT LOOKS LIKE A COTTON PLANTATION. I KNOW WE’RE MORE ‘PALS’ THAN A PROPER FATHER/SON TYPE THING, BUT COME ON. I WORK ALL DAY. I KEEP THE FRIDGE FULL. I’M NOT GOING TO COME HOME AND HARVEST YOUR WANK CROP TOO. GET OFF THE COUCH AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT MESS BEFORE THE GUYS SHOW UP, AND FOR GOD’S SAKE HIDE YOUR BONG IN THE HALL CLOSET. THIS ISN’T WOODSTOCK.

I NEVER SAY THIS, BUT ON VERY RARE OCCASIONS I WISH YOUR MOM HADN’T BEEN CAUGHT IN THAT NET. I THINK WE NEED A WOMAN’S TOUCH AROUND HERE SOMETIMES.

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